I just can't....

And today, for your viewing pleasure, I bring to you a compilation of things that I literally can't even...  (accompanied by an unrelated, yet surprisingly fitting photo) 

-Crock pot meals. If I wanted all my food to share the exact same texture I'd just throw it into a blender. Gag me.

-Tinder. Do you smell the desperation? It seems to be wafting. Spare me, I know you 'JUST DO IT CAUSE ITS SO FUNNY'. I don't buy it.

-Prepackaged cheese slices (I'm lookin at you Kraft). Velvetta as well. Ew. Actually most yellow cheeses kind of weird me out... cheese is made from dairy, and dairy is white

-Food scented candles or body washes/lotions. I don't want my house or myself to smell like a perky peach, or a snickerdoodle. People like to eat perky peaches and snickerdoodles, please don't eat me. (bath salts are a problem enough, I'm not into tempting ravenous druggies even more)

-Paper plates (apparently I've got a chip on my shoulder regarding the kitchen). Unless I am sitting in a lawn chair on a grassy knoll and there is a hot dog making its way from the grill grates to my mouth, use a real plate. We are not in college anymore.


-Palazzo pants. Stop glorifying patterned gauchos. I don't care if they feel like  you're wearing pajamas. My yoga pants feel like I'm wearing pajamas, but that doesn't mean I should wear those in public either.

-People who text you asking how you are, and let the conversation die. What is the point? Did you just get a desperate urge to know that I am at work, and doing well? Did that satisfy your craving? Ok, catch up with you again in a week!

-Coors Light. Just, Coors Light.

-And flip-flops. My god could they MAKE a more obnoxious shoe? I can't even formulate an onomatopoeia for that sound, it's so annoying. Threwp... threwp... threwp...

-Bae. What is that? The sound a goat makes?

I should just stop now. I'm curious to know what everyone else Can't Even today!? I can't be alone here...